Love and Desire


Over the past several decades in the United States, love—how we think about it, how we engage in it, and what it means—has dramatically changed. Marriage has gone from being an economicpartnership to one that holds the expectation of romance. Marriages were arranged for centuries, and love wasn’t the reason people were typically put together. Today, however, we interact with love in very different ways than our ancestors did.

So…what about dating, love, and marriage? We watched two interviews on Lewis Howes’ School of Greatness podcast. He talked with Matthew Hussey and Esther Perel, and since we’re talking about weddings and shuttle transportation, sharing what they had to say seemed particularly apropos.

1. For starters, there have never been so many options before. When it comes to dating, it starts to feel like “people shopping” with all of the online platforms and social media accounts. Anyone that’s dating can feel that, because they have access to so many profiles, there’s likely a better option out there than the person they’re currently dating. But according to Esther Perel, selecting a person and not looking anymore is, at the end of the day, a conscious choice. (She also believes that it’s possible to love several people, but only a few of those individuals would actually be good life partners for us.)

2. Both Perel and Hussey talked about how the attitude of entitlement is affecting love in today’s world. Hussey mentioned that people seem to think that a good relationship shouldn’t be something you have to work at, and Esther cited that a person will often think about what a relationship can give them without considering what they are willing to give in return. In fact, her piece of advice if you’re seeking love?Do an honest self-assessment to consider what it is that you can contribute, what you have to bring to the table.

3. Hussey said that women ultimately choose the men they want to date. However, once that choice is made, a woman has to allow the man to come back and choose her, too. This is essential because it creates space, allows him to miss her, feel tension and desire, and have the chance to come to know his own heart.

4. Esther says that the four things that kill relationships are indifference, contempt, neglect, and violence. But what if we want to nurture our love so it can grow and flourish? The following are her 7 suggestions:

Focus on being appreciative.
Instead of nagging your partner, practice mindfulness regarding what that person adds to your life, and take the time to express it.
Go the extra mile instead of just doing enough to get by.
Once in a while, do something that will mean a lot to your partner—even if it’s something that doesn’t hold any significance for you.
Allow for space. You don’t have to do everything together.
Actively admire your partner. As Esther puts it, maybe this is more about recognizing—and being grateful for—how your partner is different from you.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your person will be able to fulfill every single need that you have. Foster other connections and friendships so one person doesn’t have to be everything.

Aren’t these some great pieces of advice?

While we found these conversations engaging, you might be wondering what any of this has to do with a motorcoach company. The answer is simple: we love weddings because we provide the best in transportation for these special occasions. Whether we’re shuttling guests at a reception or getting friends and family to and from the airport, our wedding shuttle transportation service helps make wedding days easy and stress-free. We hope you enjoyed these relationship tips, and we’ve linked the full interviews below. If we can help you by providing professional shuttle transportation at your upcoming wedding, please let us know!

The information for this post came from the following two interviews:

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